Time to update!!

Time to update my 101 in 1001....it's been a while I know! But let me just say I haven't had too much to write about other than updating my library. I added 2 new books, working on a third and I just ordered about 10 from Amazon. Other than that, the whole 101 thing has been pretty lax...

So on to my first book. Look Again is a really great book by Lisa Scottoline. It is about a single mom raising a little boy whom she adopted in as far as she knows a completely legal transaction. She is a very successful journalist, but finds herself in a rather alarming predicament when she gets one of those, "Have you see this child" white postcards in the mail. She thinks at first glance it is her son and can't get the image out of her head. There are stunning similarities, but convinces herself it can't be the same child because of the different birthdays, which are only a few days apart, and the fact that she had an all around legal adoption.

Well the journalistic side of her get the better of her and she starts to dig into her adoption of her son and finds much more than she bargains for. It was such a good book and it makes you ask yourself, what would you do in these circumstances? Would you forget it ever happened or would you need to know to do the right thing. I definitely didn't see the end coming, but it was really great!!

The second add to my library is a book called Nineteen Minutes, by Jodi Picoult. It is another really good book and makes you think about how far you wold go to protect your child. And what lengths you would go to let your child learn to "get thicker skin". It is set in a small town in New England, where everybody knows everybody. This small town is rocked by a major act of violence and tears the town apart. You start to realize with all the flashbacks, just where the story is going and why it is going in that direction. You see how interconnected people's lives are and what impact a few words can have on a person's life.

I am definitely glad I read it. I was not expecting what the story line at all. I assumed there was another sort of crisis in the small town due to the fact that in the summary of the book from the back cover doesn't go into much detail, but I think it is a must read. It has made me realize that when I have children, that I want them to be raised in a very specific manner and if I were to ever catch any of my children acting in any of these ways it would just break my heart.

Next update...D was OOT for most of the month, so date night was pretty hard. We spent our 9 year anniversary apart. No big deal since we spend most of the apart anyways. But when I went to visit him while he was OOT, we went to Sonic late one night. It was a blast. Nothing fancy...just s country boy and a city girl driving on some country high way to get a late night snack. We had one of those really fun, giggly talks that I love having. He had just picked me up from our hotel, and I was in my PJs with wet hair and he was in a dirty set of camo pants and a t-shirt smelling like gun metal and sweat. Oh the things that make my heart melt!!

But it was about a thirty minute drive from the hotel into town for some Sonic, but it was really great. I thought it was a perfect date night. I hope we will be having more of them like that. I like not getting all dolled up and we can just be us...you know it was really great.

Luckily D comes home tomorrow night and I will get him all to myself for a whole week before he leaves again for another three. Then after that Vegas again, and Oklahoma home for two weeks after that! I am just so dang excited!!! I miss home.

And yet another update...I am almost finished with the blanket for my friend that is deploying this summer...I think I have about 3 more balls of yarn to add and then the fringe on two of the ends!! Yea!!! I will post pics when I finish!

So frustrating!!!

This whole business of loosing weight is really ticking me off. The last several weeks my weight loss has been, well...a lack there of. I started WW March 1st and at the end of the month I was down almost 8lbs! Now here we are almost to the end of May and I am only down 6.7lbs!

What the heck!?!?

Last week I even did the Wendie Plan and that was a big fat fail! That was my biggest weight gain of them all!! I am so frustrated and I don't know what to do. I try to work out, but during the week it is pretty much not gonna happen. I get up for work at 6 am, leave by 7:15 am, work for 12 hours, get off at 8 pm, get home at 8:30 pm and let me tell you, working out is the last thing on my mind. Especially when I have to go to bed in about an hour and a half. I am just so wired after working out I can't fall asleep. And not sleeping is not an option for me.

Ans then there are the weeks I work nights and well, I am pretty much sleeping the whole time I am home just like when I work days. I thought I could at least go walk to dogs around the block, but honestly I don't want to walk alone in the dark and I don't think my 4 and 9lb furbabies are all that intimidating to anyone. I would totally go if D were home, but thank you Navy, he isn't. He comes home this week, so I am at least going to do that when he is home.

I am just so lost as to what else to do. Even the weekends I am catching up on sleep and then doing the 800 errands I have to do because I can't do them on the weekend. I feel like this whole weight issue is such a battle. I know no one said loosing weight was going to be easy, but gosh dang-it!!!!

I'm not asking to be what I was in high school. I was WAY WAY too skinny. When I graduated I was 105lbs and a size 2 was falling off, but my hips are so wide I couldn't go any smaller. Really??? I was disgustingly small! I would love to be in the 130's or even 140's again. But I feel like it is such a far ways away. Ideally I am 25lbs from where I want to be...

I don't know if it is because I am stressing over this whole issue and that is why I am not loosing or what....I am just at a loss for words and really upset about the whole thing. I am about to give up!!

Give away, what?!?!

So a fellow OK Nestie has this really fun arts and crafts blog that I follow. She has actually inspired to do a couple of projects! One being her wicker chair make over with pillows! I love these chairs and I have been searching Craig's List like a mad woman trying to find some in good enough condition that I can rescue for our back porch!

Anywho...if you don't alread follow her awesomeness blog you should...just click here.

Oh and she has a pretty cool Esty shop as well. I haven't ordered anything from her yet, but I plan on it very soon. Ordering something from her is part of my 101 in 1001.

So if you don't follow her yet...just do it!!!

It's finally here!!!

So at the end of February I ordered a bag from this awesome little website. They take your dearly beloveds uniforms and turn them into purses or bags! Lord know I don't need any more bags, BUT I don't have any made out of D's uniforms so that was my out! ;D

It took them a little longer than they said it would...more like 8 weeks instead of 6, but oh well it is finally here. The website is called Hero on My Arm. They have some really adorable stuff! I ordered the Abigail bag in the largest size. I sent them D's DSUs that he work while deployed in Africa last year for 10 months. I got to pick out some super fun fabric to line the inside of it. We plan on getting his mom one and take it back with us when we go home this summer. We will do hers in his Woodland (traditional green camo) and then I will pick out another fabric for her. She is like me and just can't have enough bags. And she is so sentimental about D and being gone all the time, I am sure it will be a bundle of tears when we do give it to her.

It has 2 super huge pockets on the inside as well. I added a zipper top closure just to make sure it stays closed. I hate having my purse just fly open all the time. I also had a cute little patch put on for being a Navy wife. Yes I am cheesy and corny, but I don't care. D thought it was pretty cool. They also have some key chains that you can personalize. Again, I will get one to match my bag and we will get D's mom one to match the bag we make her.

It really is a huge bag and cannot wait to start using it! Not only are there 2 huge pockets inside, but there are 2 on the front, as shown above, and the same 2 on the back. All with double button closure to each pocket. Like I said I am so excited to finally have it, and I cannot wait to use it! I guess I will be carrying it tonight to work!!!

Girl's Night!!

Well last night was girl's night! We had a total blast! I went out with a girl that works in D's shop and her friends. We all met shortly after we moved here and I just really clicked with them all. They are so much fun to hang out with. We are never short on something to talk about or something to do.

So last night we all met up and I drove us to downtown San Diego to an area known as the Gaslamp. It is like Bricktown back home, but a lot more bars and clubs. We went to this amazing bar called The Shout House. It is a dueling piano bar with a small back up band. You go in and there are 2 pianos at the front of the bar with a set of drum and guitar. They play pretty much any song you can come up with.

These guys were incredible musicians. Anything from Garth Brooks, "Friends in Low Places" to Lady Gaga, "Bad Romance" and Metallica to Elton John. They knew all the words and the back up music. You could write down your request on a piece of paper, give them a dollar and they would play it. There was a point when there was some sort of drum solo in a song and all the musicians jumped up on the 2 pianos and did an impromptu drum line.

And of course being a military town, they called all the active duty as well as retired service members up on stage while they played, "God Bless America". That song gets me every time!

One song that they did that was pretty rockin' was Queen's, "Bohemian Rhapsody". It was A.M.A.ZING!!! Like ridiculous. One of the girls at the table recorded it and sent it to me. She only got part of it because a bouncer told us no recording, so we only got some of the song, but it is just a small sample of how amazing these guys were. Every one in the bar was just going crazy and singing it at the top of their lungs! You can hear everyone at the bar just lovin' it! I wish there was a bar like this at home...they are packed every night and on the weekends there is a huge line to get in if you don't get there early enough!

Any who....ending with a few pictures of me and my girls. We cannot wait to do it again!!!

Meet Betty!!!!

AHHHHHHH!!!! So I finally took the dive and bought myself a new car last weekend! Eek! I was so freaking nervous! D and I went to the Ford dealership just to get his truck fixed because there was a recall, and we saw a comercial for the Escape. We decided to look while we were there because, well I really needed a new car. My last car was really getting up there in miles and well, I wanted one. I had had my eye on the Chevy Equinox for some time now and I really had my heart set on one. But the price for what I wanted was a little steep. Almost 30k....no thank you!

So we were looking around first at the Edge because it is similar to the Equniox in just about every way. But then I saw the Escape was cheaper and BIGGER than both. SO ya....our sales guy took us to the back of their lot where there were oodles and oodles of new cars, and there she was. Bright red and shiny and new....

I lurve her so much! I know I am probably a little dorky for giving my car a name but I don't care. That's just me!! I got a crazy good deal on financing and she was just sitting there waiting to be driven home. I traded in my other car and viola....she's mine!

I was so nervous actually buying it. I feel like a real adult now. A car payment is a big deal and I have never had one before. D was super supportive of me and said that if it is what I want and I can handle the responsibility of making a payment, then I should just do it. I turned into an all day affair at the dealership though. I never thought it would take that long to buy a car, but Lordy Lordy....that was way too long!

So here she is:

So that's another one off my 101 in 1001!! Enjoy!

I miss you mommy!

Well today is a weird day. Very bitter sweet for me. On this day 15 years ago, I lost the most amazing woman in the world. My mother, Martha Ann Burja Gerber, succumbed to her illness and left the planet to meet her Lord. Being the devout Catholic she was, I am sure it was a glorious return for her.

It was probably the worst day of my life. She was my everything. Literally. She clothed me, fed me, tucked me under the covers at night and everything else a mother is supposed to do. She was amazing. We were so very close. My parents didn’t have the greatest relationship and often fought in front of me. I would always tell my mom that I wanted to go with her every time she told my dad she was going to leave. I adored my mom. She was super crafty, she cooked, she baked, she sewed all my clothes…I just can’t say enough about her.

It has often been extremely hard for me over the years. I never knew how to deal with the loss. Maybe this will be a therapeutic release for me....

But I guess should start from the beginning. My mother was often sick with breathing issues when I was younger. When she was roughly my age, possibly younger, she was diagnosed with Alpha 1 Antitripsin Deficiency. It is a genetic disorder, the only kind of emphysema you can get without smoking. I obviously never thought much of it. It was normal for me to see my mom taking medication and breathing into a nebulizer full of medication. I often joined her on the nebulizer because of my own asthma. My mom was a nurse and worked as a nurse manager at OU Med Center (called Presbyterian back then) in the CCCU (cardiac critical care unit). She was loved by many and boy did she know a lot of people. I never knew how important my mother was to so many people.

I don’t remember any one point when my mom was drastically “sicker”, but I do remember the day she went into the hospital and never left. In the fall of 1994, my mother got pneumonia. She battled it with rigorous antibiotics and for all every one knew she was fine. We made it through all the holidays as a happy family. Then January/February came around. She had gotten a little sick and had to stay a few nights in the hospital. She came home on a portable oxygen machine. Back in those days, they were these monstrous machines. Massive, cumbersome, and noisy as all get out.

My dad and I were in the kitchen making my mom chocolate pudding, and suddenly we hear an alarm going off, coming from my parent’s bedroom. My dad took off and I followed suit. He was of course much quicker than I was, jumping over couches and flying to the room. I never made it into the room. He grabbed me and ran back to the kitchen and called 911. I was 9 years old.
The next thing I remember is my dad’s parents, who lived literally around the corner, came speeding up to our house, grabbed me in my blue cloud, flannel nightgown, and put me in the car as the ambulance came pulling up. They rushed my mom to the hospital and it was a couple of days before I saw her again.

When I saw her, she seemed just like my normal mommy. A little weaker and maybe pale, but mommy. She asked me to braid her hair, which was one of my favorite things to do, and I took the purple hair tie out of my hair, braided hers and put in the hair tie. It was getting late, so I went home with my grandparents. I lived with them for quite some time while my mom was in the hospital. My dad was supposedly staying there with her. Although I find that hard to believe now-a-days.

Finally, my grandma asked me one morning if I wanted to go see my mommy at the hospital. I was so excited! My mother was staying at Children’s Hospital in OKC because she was was on an EKMO/ECMO machine and the only 2 at the time we located there in the Pediatric ICU. This machine would take the blood from the body and put oxygen into it, basically giving the lungs a break and having the machine do the lungs job. So we get to the hospital and some lady comes out. I am guessing she was some sort of social worker, but I have no clue who she was, but I knew she wasn’t a nurse. She showed me some pictures of my mom and let me know what everything was.

My mom, as you can imagine, was hooked up to oodles of machines and tubes, and wires and IVs. It didn’t really scare me, I just wanted to see my mommy and talk to her. The lady told me that my mom was sleeping so I would not be able to talk to her. That day, where my grandma made me so happy by letting me see her, where some nice lady showed me weird pictures of my mommy, was April 12th 1995.

Turns out my mommy was too weak to fight off the raging case of pneumonia that had invade her lungs. Nothing was helping her at all. I of course still had no idea how sick she was and what all was going on. I walked into my mommy’s room and saw her for the first time in a couple of months. I don’t remember being scared, I don’t remember feeling anything actually. I walked over to her kissed her on the cheek and told her I loved her. I noticed her hair was still braided and it had the hair tie in it that I had put into it. I was thrilled that it was still there.

The day was long and I just wanted to go outside with my mommy. I played puzzles and colored, watched tv and just about anything else I could find to do. The next thing I knew, we all went into this dark room, outside the doors to the PICU. There was my mom's dad from California, her best friend (my Aunt), her brother, my mom's mom from Tulsa, my dad and his parents and a couple of nurses from my mom's unit at Presby. I don't remember much, but seeing my Aunt and my Grampi (mom's dad) crying.

My dad and his dad took me outside and walked me across the street. It was a beautiful day outside, no clouds in the sky at all. It is amazing when your life changes like that, what details you can remember. I remember asking if mommy was dead. Although know I didn't exactly say those words, but it was something to that effect. That day was Wednesday, April 12th 1995.

She was buried on a Saturday, the day before Easter Sunday. She had a traditional Catholic mass at St. Joseph's Cathedral in Downtown OKC. It was amazing and standing room only. Another beautiful day just like she deserved.

I went to school the day after she died. My dad insisted we carry on like everything was fine. And looking back on it now, I needed some serious grief counseling. But there was nothing I could do about it. 10 months later my dad remarried my unfortunate gold digging step-mom and 6 months later she had my youngest sister. My dad uprooted us from my home town and all my friends in Midwest City and moved us to Norman because my step-mom couldn't bear to move her daughter (my step-sister) away from her friends. Ya, I know...pretty lame right?

All the years following her death when I lived with my dad, he never once mentioned her name. Asked me if I wanted to visit her grave. Nothing. He acted like she never even existed. I resent him so much for that along with so much more.

I sent flowers to my mom's mom today and when she called to thank me for them, I just lost it. I want to see her. I miss her so much. My mom has missed so much of my life. She missed me teenage years, teaching me to drive, helping me prom dress shop. She never met D, wasn't at my graduation or our wedding. I am sad she will never meet her grandchildren and she will never see me as their mom and all those things moms and daughters do together. How am I supposed to act with my daughters if I don't know what the mother/daughter relationship is all about?

I guess I will just add it to the list of life experiences that I have to live without her being here. I just hope she looks down on me often enough to see I am doing well and that I am making her proud. I miss you mommy and I love you so much!